Everyday Jon Hill

I bet some of you bitches are pissed you never called me back now that I discovered a new found love for hipster cursive writing. This shit could have been all yours. Oh, I was wearing a cardigan when I wrote it. And I haven’t shaved yet.

Write my curses in cursive…

regretterienrox:

Jon Hill is my new best friend (Taken with instagram)

Stole the Mad Mex southwestern wing recipe and applied it to ribs. Olive oil, garlic, cilantro, and lemon. And a dash of sesame oil because, well, it’s in my blood.

The meadow.

Art museum.

Philadelphia library.

In continuing with yesterday’s sadsack memorabilia, this photo is what happens when the cute girl you get chocolates for never calls you back.

But unlike the previous girl, this girl was awesome and I don’t fault her for ending it. We dated for a bit but she lived kinda far away and had just moved back home after a nasty breakup. I had just got done dating a pretty dumb person, so the time we spent together was really refreshing and restored my faith in meeting girls. She was caring, even went as far as calling me on Father’s Day just to see how I was doing. She was a keeper, but sometimes is just doesn’t work out and that’s Ok. Just be happy you got to meet that person and while you’re at it, make a little short film about her. 

Oh, and never forget that text she sent you right before President’s Day. Those are the things that count in life. 

SIDEBAR: These chocolates were given to me by my friend Rachel in Philly. She is the cute friend I leave notes for.

So you’re telling me that for just $.99, I can fill up that cup glued to your hat with all the coffee it’ll hold? You ma’am, have yourself a deal.

So last year I met this really cute girl at a party and after hitting it off, we decided to go out on a date. We both had a great time at the museum and agreed on a second date. I really liked this girl, because unlike most girls I had met that year in L.A., she would always call me back. Not reply with a text or a facebook message, but with an actual phone call in a rather timely fashion. And then we would talk - like normal people.

So for our next date, I asked her for three words, and that I’d try to come up with a date that involved them. She seemed excited for the idea and came up with Adventure, Artistic, and Laid-back (I excused the sorta double word and embraced the contradiction of a laid-back adventure. If I can’t figure it out, then I don’t deserve to be on a date with her.)

So I came up with what you see in the photo. I figured we’d don our captains hats, color in the Elmo safari book (while probably adding a bunch of penises), and make dinner while the Island Getaway scented candle filled the air of this laid-back artistic adventure. Oh, and if any wild animals or savages arrived, we’d have a foam mace and axe to fend them off (axe not pictured). All of this would be captured on the two disposable cameras and at the end of the date, we would make out. Or so I assumed.

Well, before this date could happen, this girl became every other girl I met that year, and she decided not to call me back. After leaving three unanswered messages, I’m now stuck with a bag of sadsack memorabilia in my closet. 

So ladies, I pose two questions for you: 

1. Does anyone want a re-gifted date for Valentines Day?

2. Does anyone want to punch this girl Lisa in the face for me?

The Bird at the Coffee Shop

Took a hard spill on the ice. Saw flashes for a second. Returned to score like Ron Hextall.

The cheap seats.

Our rink.

Quick stop at the shop before the pond. Gotta get sharp son.

mikekarnell:

Sometimes when I need a pick me up I just remind myself that I once completed a perfectly symmetrical high-five where me and my friend’s hand joined as one.

Also notice the smile on Jeremy’s face and Willy in the background giving a victorious fist pump at the sight of the perfect symmetrical high-five.

Oh, and the fact that I keep it thoro by holding my dick in public.